Calishi

I can’t even begin to explain to you people how funny I think Grace Helbig is. This woman is just brilliant, she makes me laugh everyday.

(Source: boisterousbehavior)

RT @wheatnik: “Too long.” “Too long.” “Too long.” “She’s hot.” “Too long.” “Too long.” “Too long.” — Me, reading tumblr.

Realizing I’m no hero.

Let’s face it, RACISM, SEXISM , etc., are things that exist and that I’ve experienced way too much. Partly explains why I’m currently in women’s studies and have been reading, living, raging about the subject since I was 13. It’s now been ten years.

Sometimes I feel like many activists are part of a big circle, while I want to be a straight line. I experience crap and moved on, get MOTHER FUCKING pissed yet construct upon it. Try to make it in my life and succeed (however I define success) without being in a circle where I feel my children would have to live in a messed up world and so on.

I see, and more than ever, SEEK beauty in my life. I’ve become extremely more selfish to keep my sanity while still being an activist.

I’m I fooling myself? HELL YEAH! Do I feel my approach is true happiness? Fuck no. But this is the only way I can pursue the present without dwelling over the past and crying about the future. 

The best example was me going to Israel. I’m Muslim, black and female the triple treat. Yet anywhere I felt would go against my morals or where I was told I would face racism or other -ism… or simply plainly told not to go to. I fucking went. I did it. I know I’ve advanced my vision of black feminism further than ever.How?  By being in their faces where they did not want me to be. They saw me, hated or sometimes adored me.The thing is, I’m sure they will never forget me.

Don’t get me wrong. I never tried to please them. In fact, I asked a member of the Knesset why she was participating in something many considered to be an apartheid state. Just to see how she would react and of course get her response. She gave me the warmest and most detailed answer.  I disagreed but the mutual respect was there. It’s sad they don’t respect you at first sight, but I’m dealing with it. I’m pretty sure next time she sees a black woman she will think twice.

Anger is so tempting especially when deliberately provoked. But know that the person deliberately provoking you knows and seeks to get anger or indifference and furthermore negative shit from or out of you. Haters are NOT all idiots. Wherever I was, in front of some Mexican military officer trying to degrade me or a member of the Israeli parliament. My smile backed with a ton of knowledge only lead to admiration and respect. Anger was what they wanted out of me and I stood there telling them they would not get it from me. The frustration or amazement in their faces was worth the pain, because I know and they know they cannot break me. 

With anger it’s more me trying to prove how I could break them. The truth is.. I’m not that strong. I hold my ground, let them know I will not be broken and focus on myself because it’s the only thing I control. 

So here I am, not the most provocative or loud activist. I want to be happy. Knowing and fighting too much makes you forget about yourself and I realized I’m not that heroic. 

She is so inspiring

One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the President’s secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner. Following this conversation President Obama asked

Michelle, why was he so interested in talking to you. She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, “so if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant”, to which Michelle responded, “no, if I had married him, he would now be the President.”

Watching the Republican debate

The big chop

I’m still a bit shocked.. I had the guts to do it. Back in November 2011, I went to a salon to cut my relaxed hair. I’ve over used ponytails, weaves and breads all my life. I have to say I have nothing agaisnt them, they were pretty darn pratical and beautiful. I did not however feel confortable with it. I did not feel good in my own skin. 

I spend 5 years not cutting my hair because I thought I’d look like a boy and my brothers were already making fun of how much of a tomboy I was. Being a big sports fan, playing videogames and hating make-up and “girl stuff” did not help my cause within my traditional african family.

But for the past year, i’ve turned into this rebellious girl aka myself and I stand for myself and no longer hang around those who try to diminish me. So I did it. 

Here’s are pics of me from the past year.

I clearly had no idea what to do with my hair that day…..

I went for a weave….during the summer.

And now I cut all my relaxed hair off.

Strangely enough I never got more attention from boys in my life… But I’m pretty sure the attention has more to do with my confidence than my looks.

So for me 2009 was the year I dealt with my nose, 2010 my skin, 2011 was my hair. For 2012, I need to accept my weight. I fing myself to be way too skinny which often makes people laugh.

If you also transitioned to natural hair. I’d love to hear your story!